Dear Blog. This post shall be in English because I feel like it. Anyway...

I count two things, well three, but mostly those two things that could be potential causes for why I feel so fucked up.

Number 1: In kindergarten I was rather late to start using the toilet instead of potty if my memory serves me right. Anyway, this one day I just really have to pee and dont want to bother anyone so I decide to conquer my fear of the toilet (most likely I was scared of the height), so I climbed the thing and did my buisness. I then left the bathroom and planned to go on with my day, but oh no. A teacher catches me and starts showering me with compliments and next thing I know I got my jacket on and is forced to a victory lap around the building. I was so embarressed. She would tell everyone what I did... It felt like more of a punishment then a reward... Anyway, I still manage to keep some of my pride and I tell my parents and for a rarher long time "look at me, Im using the toilet" and after a while my parents got a little tired of it as the enthusiasm in their voices vannished... I got the message and shut up...

Number 2: In preeschool we had these bikes there to play with, three-wheelers. There wasnt enough for all so it was a bit of a compitition for those bikes, if you got one you simply didnt give it up till breaktime was over. Anyway, I had gotten a bike and I rode behind thw building cause I wanted a short break but still wanted the bike so I thaught I could hide out there for a min but no no, this guy comes up and tells me to give up the bike and I say no. He pushes me up against the Wall and strangles me in blind rage. (I swear it was almost like I was standing at the side watching)... Anyway he let go and took the bike and I couldnt stop crying, and was to scared to talk. But I told my parents and they told me to tell the teacher next day and at first they didnt believe me and The guy said he didnt remember and I dont know what happened next.

And Number 3 (not that I know if it belongs): my grandpa died when I was 5ish, my uncle died when I was 7ish my Mother nearly died on my tenth birthday, my great uncle died when I was 12ish and fathers Mother died a couple of years ago. Inbetween there my dog died, my father had a heartattack and my mom spent several tours to the hospital for treatment + plus I had a really bad concusion (caused by walking backwards and tripping so Kinda feel uneasy about walking backwards)... I guess all these events kinda got me scared of being close to people... 

But eh, I aint no expert... I just know something aint right in da head!

Over and out, Dear Blog...

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